"I have confidence in confidence alone, besides which you see I have confidence in me!"

Hey all,

Tough weekend as in weather, although I'm not going to complain about it. I think I've complained enough with people around me, as Susan Oseen says gotta focus on the positive things. They are that I've got plenty of good training under my belt, I am fit, I am strong. Sure I don't know what will happen on Aug 30 so I will only think(notice I didn't say worry) about the things I can control. I have to secure a bike rack, get my bike tuned up, figure out when to pick up race wheels. I can't control the weather, or if I'll get a mechanical problem, smoke from forest fires, any past workouts missed. Am I forgetting anything? I will focus on my confidence as that has always been my weakness. I one time asked Greg, "What would you say my one big weakness is?", I don't think he hesitated at all and said somthing like, "The confidence you have in yourself". It surprised me a bit, I was expecting somthing technical or physical ie. cycling strength or somthing like that. Nope my weakness is right between my eyes. I call it being a realist, that's my excuse.

Everyone always has such confidence in me, why is that? Is it cause I am my worst critic? Is it cause "they" don't have anything to loose so they try to boost me up, because it's not them who will "fail" if I don't make X time or w/e? Or is it that they see somthing in me that I refuse to see, or can't see? I met PNF(Paula Newby Fraser) at my first Ironman. As I was walking into transition one day I met her and said good morning. She of course replied back and asked how I was doing, somthing about if I was ready for IM the next day. This being my first IM and the way I am said somthing like, "I don't know, I hope so". She right away scolded me, almost rude telling me, of course you're ready, you've done all the training, you're ready. How did she know what I've done? You can't tell by looking at someone how fit they are. Sure if they're thin, ripped it might give you the impression that they've done some work, but not necessarily. You can get all that with just weights. She's not concerned at all with what I've done, how many hours I've done, or how many miles I've logged. All she was touching on was my confidence. It's too late to go back in time and change anything, so why worry about it? I gotta stay in the now(have to steal that Susi) the past is the past. Sure I have to pace myself according to my training, fuel up like I did in training, race smart, but stop worrying about the shoulda, coulda, woulda. Great lesson to learn.

I've come along way. I know it's my weakness, it'll always be somthing I have to work with. By now people around me know this and constantly remind me. They catch little things in what I say, mainly when I use the word "If". It's frustrating sometimes, not so much that they are reminding me, but that I forget. Part of this confidence thing is a fear that I get. Race mornings I will fear the race so much, I'll get so nervous that I actually dread it. Before Wasa I def. let it control me. I still had a great race, but the morning wasn't pleasant and I never dealt with it properly. For the Calgary 70.3 I took it more seriously and dealt with it on the saturday, the day before. I made a consious decision not to let the fear control me and just made the choice to look forward to the race. Just like that all the fear disappeared. I remember talking to Julie the morning of telling her that I wasn't as nervous this time, this is why. Sure there was still some nervousness, some is good in my opinion. But I didn't dread it, and I think I was actually excited to race?!?!? k, so that's enough beating the dead horse(not literally Susi).

The conclusion, I'm going to Penticton with a renew'd confidence. I'll remember everything I need to remember, but with a calm peace about it. I'll enter lake okanagan knowing I'm ready to give it my all. I have time goals, placing goals, but if the day throws some obstacles my way I'm ready to deal with them. Ironman is all about making decisions on the fly isn't it. Over and out,

DP